Have you got way too much on your plate? Feeling overwhelmed? Read on for a tool to help you manage that feeling and take back some control.

I work predominantly with staff in the health and social care sector, whether that is training or coaching individuals. By far the most common concern that comes up in our conversations is around feeling overwhelmed at home or work or both. Perhaps this is not surprising in a particularly busy sector but I know from my coaching colleagues that it is similar in other work sectors. There was a lot of overwhelm pre the pandemic but has become more of an issue during and after it.

The first hurdle to managing overwhelm is admitting that you have got too much on your plate and that you are having difficulty juggling a multitude of priorities. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you are likely to be less productive at home at work, have no scope for creative thought or compassion and your enjoyment of everything is reduced because you are just so tired and very possibly emotional.

To make things even more difficult, the word 'busy' is often used as a badge of honour and so there is often a pressure to keep being busy and to be the perfect person, be that parent, sibling, friend, colleague or manager who must be good at everything!

The reality is that if you are feeling like this, something has to give and that something should NOT be your physical or mental wellbeing.

The good news is there are pragmatic tools to support you to gain some headspace and clarity of though so you can start to make some changes. One simple tool that can make a big difference is the ‘circle of control’ as articulated by Stephen Covey in ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ and beautifully illustrated here by Dr Hayley Lewis.

We often use an incredible amount of psychological and sometimes physical energy worrying about things that we can do nothing about. Understanding your zone or circle of control or power allows you to focus on what you can control and what you can influence.

Imagine the inner circle is everything you can control about your life and circumstances. This is likely to be:

·      Our own thoughts

·      Our own behaviour

·      Our own responses and what we say to others

·      How we spend our time

·      How we respond to stressful things

·      Our own decisions

·      Our own choices

There are lots of things in our lives we have absolutely no control over; what other people say and do, other peoples’ choices, the weather, the traffic jams we get stuck in, government advice about the pandemic, business priorities of others or even the plot of Eastenders!

A great exercise is to list all the things that are worrying you at the moment. Draw the three blank circles onto a page and then map your worries and concerns onto the circles of control. How much time are you spending worrying about something that you can do absolutely nothing about? If you cannot control or influence it, what can you do? This might involve changing your response to it or letting something go, even if it is just parking it for a while.

If we spend our time worrying about things we cannot control, we are likely to become very stressed and not focused on what we should be doing.

So, what on this list can you control or influence?

 As soon as we start to focus on what we can control and influence, then we start to see that we have some choices and options and our zones of power actually begin to expand. We often have more power than we think – the key is to be proactive and take responsibility. For example…

·      If a work relationship is not as productive as it could be – what could you do to influence this to make it more positive?

·      If you are getting irritated that decisions are being made without you but you feel you have something valuable to contribute, ask if you can attend a meeting to discuss it.

·      If you are feeling overwhelmed with tasks and obligations with friends and family outside of work, what choices could you make to lessen this and prioritise your own needs for some of the time?

It is such a simple tool but so effective. As one client said:

“Recognising what I can’t control and taking full responsibility for what I can changed the way I thought about my life at home and work.”

You can do this alone (and I do!) but talking this through with a friend or a coach can really help with this - having an objective 'thinking partner' supporting you to make sense of all the different strands of your life is invaluable particularly when you are so busy you don’t know which way is up! I would have saved myself a lot of angst if I had had a coach a few years ago.

If you want to know more about how you can take back control of your life and find headspace to think more clearly, contact me on flamingoplm2022@gmail.com