Living your best life isn’t all rainbows, hearts and flowers: it’s about having the tools to enjoy the highs and to work through the lows plus all the messy bits inbetween

I talk a lot about living my best life. I even call my savings my ‘live my best life’ fund that I prioritise for things that bring me joy – a course I want to do, a trip I want to take, a donation I want to make. But living your best life isn’t about everything always working out the way you want in the same way that being a coach isn’t about having the perfect life with everything worked out and being endlessly positive.

Being a coach is about having the same life struggles as everyone else but it does mean I have developed the tools and techniques that help me work my way through all the messy parts of life. I use these regularly and never has this been more helpful than the last few weeks.

There are various scales that describe certain key events as being the most stressful in life. You will have recognise them; marriage, divorce, bereavement, moving house, changing jobs etc – basically anything that causes an upheaval in your life. Recently, in the week leading up to a long planned for adventure trip in Guatemala, three pretty significant life events happened to our family which threatened to send us into a tailspin of anxiety and indecision. But...I knew to stop and pause and wait for the initial fight or flight triggers to subside before returning to what I know to work my way through it. In this case, it was the WAVES model developed by the Ride the Waves coaching school.

·       Waves: usually I’m happily metaphorically bobbing around the sea, managing the waves, seeing what is coming and preparing for that. This time, three great breakers came towards us. One had been building for a while but two came out of nowhere. One crashed right over our heads. Once we had got our breath back we were able to...

·       Assemble our resources: this meant going back to tools that work for me such as the ‘circle of control and influence’. I mapped out what I could control, what I couldn’t and focused on what I could influence. This grounded me and allowed me to spend time on what was important and let go or put aside things that were concerning me but which I could do nothing about.

It also meant talking to friends or family who could help. The WAVES model talks about identifying who is in your beach support team. I identify various people in my beach support team some of who are emotional first aiders, sun lounger buddies who can make me laugh until I cry, soul mates or fellow beach day dreamers. However, in this case I needed my metaphorical lifeguards and pragmatic beach cleaners! I wanted people not directly involved in the situation who would listen carefully to my perspective, point out pitfalls in my thinking and give practical guidance. These people helped me to make sound decisions without getting caught up in the emotion of the situation.

·       Voyage with determination: I knew that in order to make good decisions and manage the situation, my body and mind needed to be working well.  I made sure I did not stop daily yoga – even if my mind was shouting at me ‘you have not got time for this’! I always managed 10 minutes. I made sure I didn’t turn to chocolate (well, not much) and made sure I still ate well. Plus I kept my journal. All of these things kept me going in a calmer and focused state of mind allowing me to make my best decisions and stay flexible, keeping a checking what the impact of each decision was.

·       Experience: I remained aware of everything that was going on – and felt all the feelings! Sometimes I felt sad, then frustrated, sometimes I felt grateful and peaceful. I just noticed it all and reminded myself of the messiness of life and that more than one thing can be true. I changed course in my decisions a couple of times purely in response to how I was feeling. Being away in Guatemala also added perspective both in terms of distance and in terms of experiencing another culture and meeting people who often have so little in material terms but have such generosity of spirit. This is always humbling.

·       Strengthen: the waves have calmed again and we have more a sense of control. I have emerged understanding more about myself, my responses and what is important to me. Importantly I know that without my coaching strategies, in the past I would have felt a bit of a wreck by now and be pulling a duvet cover over my head! Instead, although a bit battered, I know what worked, what I would like to do more of and less of should I be in the situation again and am ready to ride the waves again.

So, although living your best life isn’t always about roses, rainbows and hearts, it can be about admitting vulnerability, developing resources and strategies to draw on as we find our way through this wonderful experience we call life. Sometimes it can be about finding your butterfly wings in a different country, asking for and accepting help and support from your own personal support network.

Live your best life by having as many tools, support and resources as you can – so you can live and learn through the ups and downs with style!