Are the voices from the ‘cheap seats’ putting you off?
I work with some very inspirational coaching clients who, once they’ve had some thinking space and regained control and clarity, start to get curious.
Curious about possibilities.
Curious about doing things differently.
Curious about potential.
Curious about what they’re capable of.
Curious about what’s stopping them from moving in the direction they want to go.
And inevitably ‘voices from the cheap seats’ start making themselves known and they start to doubt.
Doubt their ability.
Doubt their ideas.
People who are familiar with the work of researcher Brene Brown or author Rachel Hollis will be familiar with this concept.
“Don’t let anyone in the cheap seats have an opinion on your life.” Rachel Hollis
These voices might be your own inner critic or it might be ‘well meaning’ people around you who give you all the reasons why your idea or plan won’t work.
It’s not that feedback and opinions aren’t important but it can be so helpful to be selective as to which voices we listen to, including challenging out own.
Brene Brown extends the analogy of us all being in an arena with a few brave souls in the middle, following their curiosity and trying out their ideas. But the arena is also filled with people watching. Some, hopefully many, will be watching in admiration feeling inspired by those in the middle. Some are, as Brene Brown puts it, sniping from the cheap seats, trying to put off those in the middle.
“A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” Brene Brown, Rising Strong.
Sometimes the voices sniping from the cheap seats are coming from inside our own head and stop us from being curious about the next steps. We might hear ourselves think ‘That will never work’, ‘Who am I to think I could do that?” or variations on that theme.
Sometimes the people in the cheap seats are those who don’t have a stake in what we decide. They’re not invested in what we do or don’t do and they’re not contributing anything to the effort either way but still have a strong opinion on what we should do.
Does this sound familiar to you?
I certainly had a few cheap seat voices when I decided to set up People Like Me Coaching to add to those in my own head! On this occasion though, I valued my own intuition, instinct, abilities, preparation and planning so I didn’t let these voices influence me but there have certainly been other times when I have not taken a path or followed an idea because of what other people thought. People who were good at giving opinions but were not really invested in the outcome.
But it’s not surprising we do this. Many of us have grown up believing that external recognition and approval is a hugely strong indicator of our worth. So, we can find it hard to differentiate between those whose opinions we should value and those whom we can choose safely to ignore. When we decide to focus on what we think, believe and value and what those in the expensive seats think (trusted friends, family, colleagues, coaches or mentors), then we can move forward with intention.
After all, there is likely no invention in the history of the world about which someone will not have said, ‘That’s never going to work’. Many of the most vital, ground-breaking creations in human history would not exist if their creators had listened to the nay-sayers.
Is there anything in your life you would like to do or change, but you’re worried that people will think it’s a bad idea?
I can share a social example from about 15 years ago when I was still working in health care. A couple of colleaguges were trying to set up a team to train and play in a mixed amateur ‘touch rugby’ league. None of us had a clue. We were all physically fit but had never played ‘touch’ before and didn’t even know the rules. We arranged for one of the organisation to put on a training session for us and were all nervous turning up the ground. Just before this training session, someone in the cheap seats said to me...
“This is never going to take off. All the other teams have corporate backing (true), you’re all probably about a decade older than them (also true). You’ll stick out like a sore thumb in that league (we did).”
All of the above was true and whilst it didn’t put me off, it did deflate me and I wondered whether we were about to make complete idiots of ourselves.
But we did it. We trained. We got a local pub to buy our T-shirts and give us sandwiches after each match. We entered...and we came the bottom of the league for six years running! Yes, you read that right. We carried on for SIX years and had the best time whilst playing. So much laughter, so much connection and we became part of a community. The rugby club even awarded us a cup for being so committed (equivalent of a wooden spoon I think). And then, we won the beach touch tournament – mainly because sand is a great leveller!
We would have missed all of that if we had listened to the voice in the cheap seats.
And the person from the cheap seats? When they saw how much fun we were having, they joined us! They left the cheap seats and joined us in the arena.
So, notice when the cheap seat voices start up. They may be worried about following their own paths.
Most of us are afraid to pursue the direction we truly want, because it’s so much easier to stay as we are, where we are.
But what we’re not changing, we’re choosing.
So, back to Rachel Hollis for the final word.
“Let me say that again for the people in the cheap seats. SOMEONE ELSE’S OPINION OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.”
If you’ve had enough of listening to the voices in the cheap seats, then please get in touch!