Shutting down the tabs in your mind - not just the computer screen
“I can’t turn my brain off at the end of the day!”
Almost all my coaching clients say this to me in the early stages of working together and it’s a common sign of feelings of overwhelm.
I know that my inner alarm bells start to ring if I find my mind is still whirring about work hours after I’ve ‘finished’.
And I don’t mean the times when I’m excited about having achieved or something that’s coming up later in the week. No, it’s more the times when I:
keep putting off closing the computer down telling myself I’ll just do another hour (but usually ends up longer)
can’t concentrate on reading my book (fiction, usually my go-to relaxation)
am watching a drama on TV but mentally composing emails
To be honest, this is more a description the ‘old me’ before I learned to spot these signs early, notice them and take action quickly.
But when I’m in work mode, I’m fully in work mode. I immerse myself in what I do, I always have. But I have also developed a talent for switching across. When I’m on holiday with friends, they often remark at my ability to drop into deep sleeps from day 1 and fully immerse myself in the joy of whatever we’re doing (last one was a safari).
One of them had a theory recently…they pointed out that as someone self employed I spend a lot of time thinking about things that others may take for granted (e.g. tax, social security, where the next ‘wages’ will come from) so when the pressure is off, I just sleep and play with delight!
I’ve found it helpful not to think about ‘switching off’ but instead frame it as ‘switching over’ or ‘across’ to the next part of my day which could be all the things that make up the rest of my life. Spending time with my husband, walking my dog (Riley in the picture), running, yoga, meeting with friends, reading and writing. These things are just as, if not more, important than my work. I know myself well enough to know I am better at work if the rest of my life has enough to sustain me mentally, physically and emotionally.
But we all know it’s not as simple as flicking a switch so it can be helpful to take the pressure off. I like Dr Claire Plumbly’s analogy of sliding down through the gears to slow down as we do when driving. In her book, she suggests:
Following a wind down routine, something that helps you decompress, whatever works for you. Just a 15 minute window that signals to your body and brain that you’re preparing to shift gears. Perhaps it’s finishing your day with a list for the following day, listening to a non work related podcast on the way home, a run, a walk, singing in the car, change into different clothes – consistency is the key!
Do something that engages you: switching your brain or body into a different gear taps into a fresh part of the brain and helps your thinking let go of the ‘to do’ list. Movement is always helpful here but also using your brain to do something different helps. During the pandemic When I found myself tempted to do ‘one more hour’, I got in the habit of saying “I”ll just take the dog out and if I still feel like doing this when I get back, I will”. I would even leave the computer lid half up, worried about shutting down. But without fail, when I came back after walking Riley walking in fresh air, I would just shut the computer down. That pause made all the difference.
Minimise reminders of work: if you’ve got a separate phone for work, can you put this in a separate room or shut it down completely? Can you turn your work notifications off or give yourself a cut off point for checking? With the exception of those on-call, there are very few reasons to be constantly available.
These changes sound simple but there are lots of psychological reasons why we don’t do them. And when we’re feeling overwhelmed, even the most simple solutions seem unattainable - which is why People Like Me exists to support people finding their way back to themselves!
In Nick Petrie’s recent research focusing on the similarities amongst those in high pressure roles who did NOT burn out, one common feature was that individuals had an end of the day ritual to switch their mind across to home.
One uniformed professional used to mentally hang his uniform on a lamp post before going through his front door to signify he was moving into ‘dad’ mode. Another home worker used to end the day by writing her ‘to do’ list for the following morning, then as she closed her computer lid down, would say out loud... ‘system deactivated’!
For me, I got into an early habit of after a stressful day working in education and healthcare. When I got home, I would wash my face. Literally wash the day off my face. Put my hair into a ponytail. Such a simple ritual but I could feel my muscles relax as I did this. It signified the end of a work day and time for other stuff. I still do this now.
So, my questions to you are:
· Do you know what your personal ‘red flags’ are when you start to feel overwhelmed?
· What do you do to shut down the tabs in your mind?
If you want support to work out how to ‘switch over’ at the end of the day, you know where I am…