Shout out to all the expanders out there!
There’s a popular wellbeing quote that reads...
Your diet is not only what you eat. It's what you watch, what you listen to, what you read and the people you hang around with. Be mindful of the things you put into your body emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The topic of longevity is everywhere at the moment which is fantastic to see. As I’ve got older (and hopefully at least a bit wiser), I’m so much more conscious of:
How much time I spend on my phone – still a bit too much
Balancing my exposure to the horrendous world events whilst staying informed, engaged and making what impact I personally can
Moving more, staying flexible and strong
Keeping my mind active – I’ve just come back from another Oxford University Summer School, fulfilling my inner geek.
For me though, one of the strongest indicators of my mental health is the connections I build with others around me, whether it’s friends, people I work or study with or those I meet regularly in my local community. I’ve started to notice which situations and company drain me and which energise me. And it can be so simple. I feel energised and a huge sense of belonging when my local shopkeeper calls me by name or the barista remembers my coffee order - I’m easy to please! Alternatively, I’m sensitive to excessive negativity.
But it’s a two way street. I’m also more aware of when I might be the drainer for other people because of a difference in our energies or mindsets at that time.
The significant people in our lives have a massive influence on our outlook, self-esteem and decisions. These people might change during different stages of our lives but it’s worth reflecting on the suggestion by entrepreneur Jim Rohn who said that...
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
I would add the words ‘choose to’ to that quote. Our loved ones, friends, mentors, trusted colleagues and bosses have a huge impact on our expectations for ourselves and our understanding of what is possible.
It can be all too easy to give in to those self-sabotaging inner voices that many of us have that worm their way into influencing our thoughts and deeds. Super coach Tracy Forsyth calls this the ‘inner shitty committee’ which feels just about right! I used to have a very effective inner shitty committee, made up mainly of imposter feelings that talked me out of:
· Applying for jobs I was more than capable of doing
· Speaking up at meetings (and then kicking myself when someone else said what I was thinking)
· Setting boundaries at home and work
I haven’t completely shut down my shitty committee because it has its uses too. It helps me to question decisions, check whether it is something I want to do or whether I have the right skills or knowledge to take a certain path. I think it’s helped keep me safe over the years but for a long time, it also kept me small and I let many opportunities pass me by.
As well as doing lots of reflective inner work myself over the years to quieten down that shitty committee, the biggest influence on who I am today are the people I spend time with who bring me joy, challenge me, expand my thinking, do things just a bit differently and help me to see possibilities instead of obstacles.
I think of these people as my expanders and I wouldn’t be doing the things I’m doing now in and out of work without them. Expanders can be described as people who…
Show you what is possible perhaps by doing it themselves? Or by encouraging you to do so?
Give you permission to dream? Encourage you to believe in yourself and have a go?
Perhaps knew you before life got in the way and remind you of the dreams you used to have?
Expand your world by opening doors and introducing you to others?
My expanders have changed over the years depending on the stage of my life. As I move forward into a different phase, my expanders are now less about the world of work and more about my life outside of work.
So, I wonder, who might be the expanders in your life?
Perhaps you can recognise these people in your life easily. If not, it may be worth thinking about bringing some expanders into your life.
Who in your life do you see pursuing their dreams at home or work? Having a conversation with them can be so enlightening about the steps they’ve taken, obstacles they’ve overcome, how they stay on track etc.
What do you notice about them? What qualities do they have? What support networks do they have?
What could you learn from them?
I wonder whether you are an expander for others without even realising it.
And of course, coaches are great expanders so if you don’t have anyone in your circle who fulfils this role, and you’re feeling stuck or in thrall to your shitty committee then you could do worse than getting in touch with me for an expanding conversation!