“I don’t just feel like an imposter, I AM an imposter”

This was said to me early on in my coaching practice by a high achieving ex-colleague of mine. Someone who was known in her workplace for being efficient, approachable and an inspirational leader. Yet she could not see this in herself and was always expecting and waiting to be found out. It’s a great example of how ingrained these feelings can be within ourselves, despite all evidence to the contrary.

The imposter phenomenon is commonly known as imposter syndrome. However, it’s not a syndrome. There is no diagnostic criteria in the medical manuals, there is no ‘treatment’ for it.  The original researchers avoided calling it a syndrome for that reason. But it does exist as a phenomenon and the feelings are very real. People experiencing it describe constantly feeling like a fraud and always being concerned about being exposed as incompetent or incapable despite there being no external evidence to support that being a possibility.

It can impact you at home or work and it might show up as:

·      Not speaking up in meetings for fear of looking stupid – then getting frustrated when somebody else says exactly what you were thinking

·      Not applying for roles or putting yourself forward for promotions

·      Worrying about negotiating for better pay or working conditions because you are unsure if you are deserving of them

·      Avoidance of high visibility projects that may expose you

·      Assuming that when people compliment you, they are being ‘kind’ rather than really meaning it

·      Overworking to cover feelings of inadequacy

·      Overestimating others and underestimating yourself

·      Constantly feeling as if you are going to be ‘found out’

This can be exhausting! I know.  I’ve been there.  Until about seven years ago, I could tick all of the above.

It doesn’t just affect work. Imposter feelings can also appear in your personal life, especially when you start a new relationship/friendship/connection or consider starting a new course or taking up a new hobby. Feeling as if you won’t belong can really impact how you engage with people or potential opportunities, often avoiding or withdrawing because the alternative is too excruciating to think about. We could argue that avoiding situations keep us psychologically safe (nobody will find us out!) but they also keep us ‘small’ and away from opportunities or situations we may really have thrived in.

The good news is that we were not born with imposter feelings. It's not random chance that we are triggered into feeling like an imposter. It is very likely a result of some earlier instances in your life when you felt incompetent and not good enough. Maybe this was at school, or college. Perhaps it was when you first entered the workforce or was it even earlier playing out through family dynamics?

Whatever the origin, if you start to understand where these feelings have come from, that is the first step to changing things up. Because not being born with imposter feelings mean we can unlearn what we have learned.

It’s very unlikely that you feel like an imposter every time you are faced with something difficult or challenging. There will be aspects of your life where you feel confident and competent. This is useful information to know. When are the times you can recognise that you are good at something and the imposter feelings don’t raise their head?

Can you think of three - five things that you feel competent in or where you perform well? How have these skills been positive for you? Are these experiences imposter free? If so, why do you think this is?

So what is different when your imposter feelings are triggered?

Perhaps you can think of a few situations when the imposter feelings raised their head. Did you start to feel a fraud? Worried about being exposed as not competent? Were you worried about losing a role or an opportunity? Have you noticed yourself overworking to prove your worth?

When working with coaching clients who want to feel less of an imposter, we work together to get a clear picture of what their triggers are and what is going on when those feelings appear – for example, is it a particular type of scenario or a particular type of person?  We work on recognising the trigger situations, noticing when the feelings arise and then learn techniques to press the pause button so we can choose a different frame of mind.

It's not a quick fix as we are often unlearning decades worth of internal storytelling and the negative thoughts will have been appearing quite automatically when triggers happen. But...it is possible to make real changes. I know this from personal experience. My imposter feelings are mostly well under control now but they do still raise their heads at irritating times! The difference now is:

·      I recognise it

·      I know what has triggered it

·      I’ve changed the story in my head that led to me avoiding situations and can talk myself rationally through it.

 As those of you who know me will know...I walk toward opportunity instead of away. You can too.

After all we are all just trying to do our best.

If you or someone you work with struggles with this, there’s a fantastic practical book with some evidence based tools and strategies taken from recent psychological research written by Drs Lisa Orbe-Austin and Richard Orbe-Austin: Overcome Imposter Syndrome, Beat Self Doubt and Succeed in Life. I follow their work and use the tools.

 If you want support to work through it yourself – get in touch! I wish I’d sorted this out for myself decades ago instead of listening to those imposter feelings. My life has been richer for making that effort.

As Dr Lisa Orbe-Austin says in her Ted Talk about Imposter Phenomenon...

“If we work as hard on ourselves as we do for others, we can be unstoppable.”

Contact me on flamingoplm2022@gmail.com