From boiling frog to flourishing flamingo

Much of my coaching work involves supporting people who feel they may be on the verge of ‘burnout’ because they feel they have:

·      Too much to do and not enough resources/time/energy to do it

·      Become preoccupied at work and cannot switch off

·      Started to notice an increase in the physical impact of stress (headaches, tension in their muscles, feelings of anxiety, not sleeping leading to a lack of concentration and focus)

·      Noticed they are not doing the things they know make them feel well (reaching for the sugary snack instead of making time to eat properly, not going to the gym/yoga/walk, cancelling seeing friends)

We all have different tolerances for pressure depending on what is going on in our lives and many people can sustain high levels of pressure for a short while. However, it is rarely sustainable long term and all aspects of our wellbeing will be impacted. If it goes on for too long, we are unable to do anything as well as we want to at home or work. We become like the proverbial frog in a boiling pan of water, exhausted and unable to get out of the boiling water that we hadn’t noticed was getting gradually hotter.  In some cases, it will mean that our bodies or minds eventually ‘just say no’ and we may end up taking time off sick to recover.

Although the World Health Organisation has stopped short of labelling burnout as a mental health condition, it is strongly correlated with anxiety and depression, sometimes with a complete physical and mental inability to function even if we look perfectly fine on the outside!

This reminds me of two really visual descriptions of burnout:

“As a practicing psychoanalyst, I have come to realise that people, as well as buildings, sometimes burn out. Under the strain of living in our complex world, their inner resources are consumed as if by fire, leaving a great emptiness behind, although their outer shells by be more or less unchanged...only if you venture inside will you be struck by the full force of the desolation” Herbert Freudenberger

NASA also uses the term to describe a rocket or jet that has used up all of its fuel but is still going on sheer momentum until it crashes and burns, completely empty.

There are so many multi faceted organisational approaches to avoiding burnout that are well documented, most notably in the recent research by Oxford University and I’ve written about them before.  However, I am also interested in the human factors that can prevent burnout. As individuals, we are also part of the solution, so I am curious as to what extent we can regain control and not just survive but thrive at work. There has been some really interesting recent research by Nick Petrie, a leadership researcher, who in addition to researching commonalities in those who experienced burnout, also found commonalities in those individuals in high pressure situations and roles who did not burn out.

He found that these individuals all had high workloads and a strong work ethic but also had the following commonalities:

1.        Reflect on the best/worst ways to work and live for YOU rather than others expectations.

Managing the cogs of home and work look different for everyone. What works best for you. I’ve got one client who starts earlier than most in the morning with a cuppa and her dog by her side whilst the rest of her family is asleep. But she’s done by 4.30 and ready to prioritise her daughter. Perhaps you are someone who prefers to work on a Saturday morning in peace to get things done before you can switch off and leave the week behind. Maybe you like to plan your week on a Sunday night. Work out what works for you and put this into action.

2.        Make peace with the fact that you cannot get everything done every day.

I like the saying that we can do anything but we can’t do everything! These research participants had all had made peace with the fact that it is almost impossible to get everything done. This realisation helped them to prioritise effectively and focus on the most important aspects of work – either delegating or automating the other aspects.

3.        Develop a ritual to switch from work to personal mode.

In the research study, one individual in a uniformed profession used to metaphorically hang his uniform on the gate post as he came home every day. One finance executive used to say out loud ‘mental system deactivated’ when she closed her laptop! Personally, I used to wash my face when I got in from work, feeling as if I was washing off the work day and one participant in a training event I led shared that she ties her hair up when she gets in, signalling she is going into casual mode. What could your ritual be?

4.        Put in clear boundaries between work and home.

This has become more challenging since the pandemic as our ability to work remotely now means our work and home lives are more integrated than ever before. Many of us carry our offices in our pockets on our phones and pivot between work and personal seamlessly. The research participants had all managed to put separation between the two, whether it was practical (working only in the office and focusing on home when home) or symbolic (restricting work at home to one place in the home and putting time boundaries around that).

This included a clear ‘phone strategy’ – turning off work notifications after a certain time and putting the work phone away in a drawer. Being self employed, I’ve had to make a real effort with this one but I was surprised at how quickly, putting my phone away became a habit and how much more able I was able to concentrate on home life rather than responding to that addictive red message light!

5.        Add something joyful in!

This can sound counterintuitive when you’re already busy but the people who managed to retain perspective on the role of work in their life were those who prioritised something that was important to them within the week and diarised it in the same way they would a work appointment. One client schedules in his weekly badminton as a non negotiable wellbeing activity, one deliberately takes walks by the harbour on his breaks around the corner from his office, one keeps up a midweek choir practice – even when she does not feel like going, she never regrets it because it grounds her in something he enjoys with people he wouldn’t normally see. What would you schedule in?

I am happy to say that I meet many individuals locally who do this and are thriving and flourishing in work. The pressure of work or meeting goals or expectations is still there but they have developed strategies to keep themselves well, stay productive, keep work in perspective, prioritise things important to them outside of work and enjoy their life – flourishing flamingos!

Unfortunately, many of them developed these strategies because of their experience of doing completely the opposite and nearly burning out. How amazing would it be if we could stop that decline and build in our strategies before this happens? Do we need something to go terribly wrong before we take action?

If you recognise yourself in any of the above descriptions – perhaps you feel like a simmering or boiling frog – then you CAN do something now and regain some control at home and work. It is entirely possible and I see it all the time. If you would like to meet up for a coffee to find out more about how I could support you to manage the water temperature, then contact me on flamingoplm2022@gmail.com We can have a coffee and see where you want to take it from there.