Walk away from the land of missed opportunities

“Footfalls echo in the memory

Down the passage which we did not take

Towards the door we never opened” T S Eliot

I’m willing to bet we have all got a few unopened doors which lead us to our personal land of lost opportunities. This might be a course we didn’t take because we didn’t think we would measure up, a job we decided not to apply for because we didn’t fit 100% of the criteria, a dream we didn’t pursue because we thought it was beyond us, a conversation we didn’t follow up on because we didn’t want to feel we were a nuisance.

Make no mistake, taking advantage of an opportunity isn’t easy. Things rarely land in our laps with no strings attached. As Thomas Edison once said...

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like hard work”

I’ve certainly got a few unopened doors and that in the past I decided not to open for a multitude of reasons:

·      Timing

·      Resources

·      Lack of self belief

·      It felt out of reach

·      That opportunity was not for ‘people like me’

It might be age, but one by one, I’ve been going back to these doors, reassessing if they still hold fascination for me and if they do, tentatively creaking them open. Here are two examples from my life but you will have many more for you!

1.     Travelling solo

I’d always loved the idea of going on solo trips. I love to go away with my husband or friends but sometimes I like to do things that nobody else in my close circle wants to or is free to do – think learning to ride like a cowboy on a ranch trip in Montana, travelling to Galapagos for my number one bucket list trip or watching the Opera in Verona. I spent years not doing any of these things because I was nervous about travelling alone.

What was the consequence of this nervousness? I wasn’t doing the things I wanted to do! It took me a while to get the courage but I basically reminded myself that nobody was stopping me from doing this but me and started to plan. I started slowly, finding trips that catered for solo travellers and dipped my toe in the water. Until recently, every solo trip I took would find me on the aeroplane on the way there muttering to myself ‘what are you doing’? But I’ve never regretted going and when I return, I feel like I’m a few inches taller when I walk through the arrivals hall having had amazing new experiences I can’t wait to share and met some fantastic people. The land of missed opportunities would have included:

·      Riding western style on a horse called Diamond up the Pryor Mountains in Montana

·      Watching the sealions, frigate birds and pelicans compete for the day’s catch at Santa Cruz fish market in the Galapagos

·      Sitting on sun warmed Roman stone in the amphitheatre of Verona, sipping champagne and watching Carmen as the sun goes down

2.     Learning about literature

I’m a literature geek but for many reasons, University was not on the cards for me when I left school. I was a late starter and eventually went on day release from work. Yet whenever I’ve thought of a lottery win, I have always dismissed the big houses and material stuff and instead would love to spend it on funding myself to do a degree full time in English Literature – preferably at Oxford or Cambridge.

Now a lottery win is not likely to happen and Oxford and Cambridge was never going to be an option for 18 year old me. But...a few years ago, I read an article by a Hollywood actress who had just attended a literature course at Oxford University summer school. I investigated further and discovered a series of one week courses every summer on a variety of topics but literature was very much there! Not giving myself time to talk myself out of it, I applied and got a place. Then Covid happened....

Last year I tried again but the course I wanted to do was cancelled due to lack of interest! Third time lucky this year and I’ve just come back from a week studying the Art of Journaling - famous diarists (think Anne Frank, Samuel Pepys, David Sedaris etc) plus developing our own style of journaling. If I had not done this, my land of missed opportunities would include:

·      Meeting an inspirational group of women (and one man) on the course who were all also making up for lost time, making time for themselves and pursing what they loved – all of whom have become friends and writing partners

·      A week of reading, writing and talking about books with like minded people

·      Attending Evensong at Christchurch College

·      Dinner with an Egyptology professor who told me stories about Tolkien and CS Lewis writing together in the Eagle and Child pub reading abstracts of their writing aloud to each other (the famous comment being from Lewis – oh no, not more b***** elves!).

·      A story to enter into the Festival of Words writing competition!

Your unopened doors will be different from mine but I invite you to go back and knock on them. Are you still interested in what lies behind? If so, could you maybe open them up a bit and see what’s behind?

Maybe you could walk toward opportunity instead of walking away from it – it’s not always easy and might take planning, focus, commitment, perseverance and courage.

If you are asking yourself as I did...but what if I fail? Then I would answer...aah, but what if you fly?

If you would like a thinking partner to help you get out of your comfort zone, dream, explore, reflect and plan, then coaching can help. Contact me on flamingoplm2022@gmail.com